Now, let’s get down to business. Either you’re a dyed-in-the-wool meanster, like moi, or you’re one of those thrift-curious types, someone who is yet to experience the sensational joys that extreme frugality can bring. Whatever the case, this is my first post at www.mrsmiser.com, a place where I intend to do two things:

1. Relate in an empathetic way to fellow stinge-mongers the world over.

2. Convert all those who are still virgins when it comes to the delights of thrift. Don’t worry; I’ll be gentle with you, at least to begin with.

Already established penny-pinchers may feel they have little to learn from the missives herein, although if you are one I would strongly urge you to read on if only to nod knowingly at my self-confessed tightfistedness and enjoy what might be regarded as a sort of stingefest along with me or, as some might have it, a smug skinflintists’ communion.

Those of you who are newcomers to miserdom, listen up and listen good… you’ve lots to learn and even more to gain.

Lose All Inhibitions

If you feel that climbing into a rubbish skip to retrieve something that someone else has thrown out would in any way demean you then look away now! This site contains graphic references to scavenging that you may find offensive. If however you feel you can swallow that misplaced pride then you have taken the first step to becoming a connoisseur of scrimping.

If you’ve previously turned your nose up at ‘second hand’ items then let me re-educate you. You’ve been conditioned to see things that are unwanted by others as ‘un-wantable’. Wrong, wrong, and wrong again. Just because the preceding owner of a dress, suitcase, table lamp or kitchen sink no longer wishes to be in possession of it that doesn’t diminish its desirability. Let’s dispense with the term ‘second hand’ and use instead the phrase ‘previously enjoyed.’ Now, a term like that goes down well in even the politest of society. Consider…

 ‘Agatha looked divine in a previously enjoyed cashmere coat.’

or…

‘Phil’s previously enjoyed collection of 8 track cassettes was the subject of much mirthful discussion amongst his friends.’

But scrimping isn’t all about trash raiding, although people do throw away the most extraordinary of items. Scrimping is actually a state of mind. Some might say it’s an unwell state of mind but let’s pay no attention to the cynics, they’re the sort of people who are way too concerned with what others think of them. To scrimp effectively one needs to dispense with the idea that it is a lowly pursuit and think of it as an honourable and wholly ecological way of life. Be mean and proud – after all there’s nothing wrong with being resourceful.

 So, let’s be blunt here…

Q. What can you get for free?

A. Pretty well anything if you’re canny.

 Just to inspire you, here’s a list of just a few things you should never have to pay for. And I mean NEVER! 

Coffee (to drink when you’re out) . Condiments (salt, pepper, mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, vinegar, etc) . Sugar and Artificial Sweeteners . Newspapers . Pens . Paper

Bank on it... you can get coffee for FREE!

 The above list cites things that are available for free in most places, your bank most likely offers free coffee, and if not your bank, how about another? If you’re bold enough to go and sit in a bank that you don’t actually do business with and drink their courtesy coffee then your gall is to be admired. Well done. I’d give you five stars, only I’m too mean.

My advice: Saunter in nonchalantly, pick up a few of their leaflets and pour yourself a cup. You are perfectly entitled to research the services of the bank, right? And before you go, catch yourself a couple of their free promotional pens. They actually want you to do this… it’s good publicity!

Condiments, sugar and sweeteners are readily available in most eateries. Love ’em or loathe ’em, I’m talking those little sachets. In fact, helping yourself to a few of each that the café has on offer can save you spending out on larger pots of the same product which invariably end up going date up and growing a green beard in the cupboard at home.

My take on this? Be subtle, my dears. Don’t stagger out with a wheelbarrow full of ketchup packets but do feel at liberty to take a reasonably sizeable little bundle away with you.

Newspapers: If you’re online then you can usually get all the news you need on the Internet but if you prefer to read a genuine printed paper like from the olden days but aren’t happy about paying for one then take a trip to your local library. They usually carry the main nationals and your local papers too.

A word in your ear though… Quell your excitement, don’t whoop and scream at the sheer thrill of being able to read the news for free – else you risk nasty scowls from librarians and a lot of indignant ’shussshing’ from people with corduroy elbow patches and whiskery ears.

Pretty well everywhere you go you can get given paper. Try it. When next you are in a shop or a bar or a garage, ask the person serving or in charge, “Excuse me, do you have a piece of paper?” I’ve never once been refused a piece of paper and estimate that during any given week of my miserly existence I will gather at least a good jotter pad’s worth of free paper on which to write notes and shopping lists and yes, I do write scrimping lists and ideas down too. Use envelopes to write notes and lists on. If it offends you to have a disorderly pile of envelopes then you can go the extra mile (I do) and cut the pieces to a uniform size and staple or stitch them together.

Am I a loser? Nope. I’m a winner, because I’m not wasting my heard earned cash on things that I can get for FREE!